The Vodka of Star Wars Part II: The Empire Kicks Back

More silliness for nerds, vodka lovers, and those who happen to be both.

Admiral Ackbar Deep Sea For the Mon Calamari native, this fine vodka from Mexico is his only choice. "I floundered around with different brands, but was hooked on Deep Sea!", the Admiral quipped. We're just glad he didn't attempt any "it's a trap" gags.

Teenage Anakin Skywalker Romance What other vodka would this silver-tongued lothario imbibe? "I wish that I could just wish away my feelings, but I can't." "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth." Gold.

Kendal Ozzel Empire "I drink Empire vodka because I am a company man through and through", the Admiral was heard saying. "Sure, I've made my mistakes, but I think I've failed Lord Vader for the last time. Nothing but good times ahead!"

The Exogorth Down Under "What is a space slug to do?" the Exogorth lamented. "I mean, I'm kicking back, satisfied with some mynocks I just gobbled down...and boom! Some idiots in a raggedy old ship fly down my throat! Unnerving...simply unnerving." The asteroid-dwelling beast then slithered back down into his crater and sipped on 10-million gallons of Down Under vodka.

C-3PO Pink Champagne Yes, pink champagne is not vodka. But what else would C-3PO drink?

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a vodka enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.

The Beer of Star Wars Part II: The Empire Kicks Back

The latest time-wasting installment of nerd nonsense.

Princess Leia Abrasive Ale "Governor Tarkin, I should have expected to find you holding Vader’s leash. I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board." "I don’t know where you get your delusions, laser brain." "Would it help if I got out and pushed?" 'Nuff said.

Lama Su Mother of All Storms It's not easy living on a water-covered planet that's in a constant storm state. "Can you imagine what it's like for me, living on Kamino? I mean, can you just imagine?", Mr. Su was overheard complaining to whoever would listen. "How do you plan a picnic? Why in the world do we still live here?!" He then drank his beer and calmed down.

Shmi Skywalker Lars Birth Of Tragedy "I can't explain it...ever since I had Ani I've craved this beer", the former slave used to say. Her appetite for this potent brew may be a clue to something else she couldn't explain.

Zam Wesell Assassin Imperial Stout "Man, I should really switch beers. But I can't resist the flavor!" Miss (Mr.) Wesell was referring to the fact that her (his) cover has been blown numerous times while tailing a target due to her (his) choice of brew. "I have this one last contract on Coruscant, and then it's retirement city!"

Qui-Gon Jinn Permanent Funeral "OK ... explain this to me: I 'defy' those arrogant do-nothings on the Jedi council ... that's my big crime ... and when devil-boy kills me, that's it. No more Qui-Gon. But precious Anakin - that little monster - becomes the terror of the galaxy, kills millions, biggest villain ever...he just throws the Emperor down a tube (with the selfish motive of saving his son, I might add), and suddenly he's redeemed and appears at the end of 'Jedi'. That's real fair. Whatever."

C-3PO Pink Champagne Yes, pink champagne is not beer. But what else would C-3PO drink?

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a beer enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.

The Wine of Star Wars

Whether taking a respite at a Mos Eisley cantina or rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi at a Coruscant nightclub, the characters in Star Wars are going to get thirsty.

And when they do, what will be their wine of choice?

This question, which has befuddled the masses for decades, we will attempt to answer below (feel free to offer your insights.)

The Rancor Sleeping Giant Chardonnay "Yeah, I guess you could call me a 'sleeping giant'... at least when THOSE KIDS AREN'T DRIVING ME NUTS!!", the rancor declared in a haggard voice. "Don't get me wrong, I love being a father. But oy vey!". The Dathomir native is actually quite the oenophile and has a fondness for the 2010 vintage in particular (yeah, yeah..."a long time ago in a galaxy blah blah blah" - it's some kind of time travel trick, alright?)

Bail Prestor Organa World's End Wavelength "For some reason, the name of this wine just speaks to me", the Alderaan resident declared. The Jonathan Maltus signature vintage is a favorite of the senator. "I just get a feeling of serenity when I have a glass of...sorry - I need to go...there's a weird light in the sky..."

Boba Fett Bounty Hunter Cabernet It takes a fine, dry Cabernet to ease the stress of a Mandalorian warrior on a rainy Kamino afternoon. After taking a sip, Mr. Fett commented "Ahhh....that hits the spot. I feel like freezing someone in carbonite. Anyone will do. It's a good day!"

The Death Star Luna Vineyards Pinot Grigio Ever since he was mistaken for a moon, The Death Star has been obsessed with the heavenly bodies (including drinking this fine wine from Napa Valley). "Here I was...content to be a technological terror. But to be confused with a moon? Wow- what an honor. I was just speechless", Mr. Star remarked. Shortly after this interview, The Death Star was blown to bits due to a womp rat sized defect.

C-3PO Pink Champagne What else would C-3PO drink?

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a wine enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.

The Tequila of Star Wars

Whether taking a respite at a Mos Eisley cantina or rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi at a Coruscant nightclub, the characters in Star Wars are going to get thirsty.

And when they do, what will be their tequila of choice?

This question, which has befuddled the masses for decades, we will attempt to answer below (feel free to offer your insights.)

Watto Azul Toydarians may be immune to Jedi mind tricks, but they can't resist the effects of tequila. On a torrid Mos Espa night, Watto likes to unwind with a glass of the tequila named for his skin tone.

Grand Moff Tarkin El Conquistador Mr. Tarkin was quoted as saying "I am El Conquistador and that is my tequila. I shall conquer the galaxy. Nothing shall stop me...nothing!!", just before he was blown to smithereens along with the Death Star.

Nute Gunray Arrogante Tequila Anejo "Some people confuse confidence with arrogance", says Nute. "I mean, I hold Naboo in the palm of my hand. And that will never change. The Trade Federation will last for millenia." Mr. Gunray went on to say that he drinks Arrogante as a statement of irony, not an admission of any personal flaw.

General Grievous Arsenal Tequila Reposado "People ask about my extensive arsenal ... -cough- ... people don't realize ... -wheeze- ... that I am the arsenal!" The general continued speaking but we couldn't understand a word of it.

C-3PO Pink Champagne Yes, pink champagne is not tequila. But what else would C-3PO drink?

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a beer enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.

The Whiskey of Star Wars

Whether taking a respite at a Mos Eisley cantina or rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi at a Coruscant nightclub, the characters in Star Wars are going to get thirsty.

And when they do, what will be their whiskey of choice?

This question, which has befuddled the masses for decades, we will attempt to answer below (feel free to offer your insights.)

Jek Tono Porkins Rebel Yell Not everyone can hold their Kentucky Bourbon, but the unfortunately named Mr. Porkins isn't one of them. "I can hold it...I can hold it", he was overheard saying in a monotone. Whether hunting sink crabs on Bestine IV or getting blowed up on Death Stars, Red Six enjoys this smooth sipping whiskey.

Queen Amidala Silver Jet Whisky Padmé first tasted this Indian whiskey completely by mistake. When needing to run to the Space Mall in her J-type 327 Nubian Royal Starship, she simply declared "bring me my silver jet!" and a glass of whiskey was delivered instead. Not wanting to be rude, she drank the beverage and was hooked.

Gamorrean Guard Pig's Nose The fringes of the Northern Dune Sea can see long, hot summer days, and guarding Hutt Castle is no picnic. But when a weary Gamorrean can unwind with a fine blended Scotch, even bounty hunters with thermal detonators are less stress-inducing.

Ben Kenobi Old Crow Also known as "That Old Fossil", Mr. Kenobi has seen a lot of hard years. Sipping his favorite Kentucky bourbon makes life at the southwestern edge of Tatooine's Dune Sea (and pesky Jawas) a little more tolerable. It also explains him not remembering "ever owning a droid".

C-3PO Pink Champagne Yes, pink champagne is not whiskey. But what else would C-3PO drink?

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a whiskey enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.

The Beer of Star Wars

Whether taking a respite at a Mos Eisley cantina or rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi at a Coruscant nightclub, the characters in Star Wars are going to get thirsty.

And when they do, what will be their brew of choice?

This question, which has befuddled the masses for decades, we will attempt to answer below (feel free to offer your insights.)

Darth Vader Surly Furious Well of course Anakin Skywalker would drink no other beer than Surly Furious. Not only does the name describe him perfectly, but the beer itself is dark, mysterious, and will take you out of commission if you're not careful. Do not underestimate the power of the dark beer.

Han Solo Odell Myrcenary Yes, Han ended up becoming a hero. But there's no denying the fact that in Episode IV his main motivator was money. Saving a princess solely for a reward definitely qualifies as mercenary. Solo gives Odell's brew this ringing endorsement: "I don't have a bad feeling about this."

The Sarlacc The Abyss (Deschutes Brewery) I feel kind of sorry for The Sarlacc. For a long time now, he drinks The Abyss from Deschutes because he thinks that it was named after him. But he isn't the only one to benefit from the delicious beer. Boba Fett was quoted as saying, "Yes, it's no picnic being slowly digested by a giant plant monster. But if I can help pass the time by drinking a refreshing beverage like The Abyss, it's almost worth it."

Sebulba AleSmith Speedway Stout What else to refresh a parched podracer on a hot Malastare afternoon than the fittingly named Speedway Stout? And as an added benefit, this beer is like drinking a fine cup of coffee, motivating a Dug to reach that finish line in style.

Lando Calrissian Colt 45 In an amazing coincidence, Lando's beer of choice is the same as Billy Dee Williams, the actor that plays him. Whether dealing with a stressful day managing Cloud City or making a guest appearance on The Jeffersons, Colt 45 makes everything go a little smoover.

C-3PO Pink Champagne Yes, pink champagne is not beer. But what else would C-3PO drink?

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a beer enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.