The Beer of Star Wars Part III: Refill of the Jedi

The latest time-wasting installment of nerd nonsense.

Young Boba Fett Dad’s Little Helper Malt Liquor This cute little guy might seem a bit young for beer, but don't be fooled by his curly locks and sweet face - he's a chip off the old death-dealing block. His father, Jango, was heard to say, "What's worse- an 11-year-old drinking beer, or an 11-year-old learning to kill?...well, actually, I taught him both of those things..."

Tteel Kkak Middle Ages Druid Fluid Not sure if the Jawas qualify as "Druids", but they do skulk about in the wild wearing heavy hooded robes. When asked about his brew of choice, Tteel Kkak replied "Look, I live in the desert. I'll drink bantha sweat if I have to. And any beer that has 'fluid' right in the name gets my vote."

Count Dooku Baron Von Awesome "Oh, I'm aware that a 'count' and a 'baron' aren't the same thing, but it's nice to think that I'm in the company of a fellow nobleman when I quaff my ale" the evil Sith traitor remarked. "It is always important for a gentleman to maintain his decorum." Dooku next took a dainty sip from his glass and then casually beheaded an enemy.

Jar Jar Binks Weyerbacher's Blithering Idiot "Meesa not know why, but meesa lovesa this beer!" observed Mr. Binks before stepping on a rake, smashing his face, and then falling into a wedding cake.

Opee Sea Killer Lilja's Hop Ness Monster "I have never had the pleasure of visiting Earth, but I would love to meet this Loch Ness Monster chap. He sounds like a wonderful fellow" explained the terror of Naboo's watery core. "It can be wearisome to maintain your dignity when everyone is portraying you as a villain or a sociopath." The mighty sea beast excused himself and promptly swallowed a ship full of kittens and school children.

C-3PO Pink Champagne Yes, pink champagne is not beer. But what else would C-3PO drink?

---

Jeffrey Dale Starr is a beer enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.

The Wine of Star Wars

Whether taking a respite at a Mos Eisley cantina or rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi at a Coruscant nightclub, the characters in Star Wars are going to get thirsty.

And when they do, what will be their wine of choice?

This question, which has befuddled the masses for decades, we will attempt to answer below (feel free to offer your insights.)

The Rancor Sleeping Giant Chardonnay "Yeah, I guess you could call me a 'sleeping giant'... at least when THOSE KIDS AREN'T DRIVING ME NUTS!!", the rancor declared in a haggard voice. "Don't get me wrong, I love being a father. But oy vey!". The Dathomir native is actually quite the oenophile and has a fondness for the 2010 vintage in particular (yeah, yeah..."a long time ago in a galaxy blah blah blah" - it's some kind of time travel trick, alright?)

Bail Prestor Organa World's End Wavelength "For some reason, the name of this wine just speaks to me", the Alderaan resident declared. The Jonathan Maltus signature vintage is a favorite of the senator. "I just get a feeling of serenity when I have a glass of...sorry - I need to go...there's a weird light in the sky..."

Boba Fett Bounty Hunter Cabernet It takes a fine, dry Cabernet to ease the stress of a Mandalorian warrior on a rainy Kamino afternoon. After taking a sip, Mr. Fett commented "Ahhh....that hits the spot. I feel like freezing someone in carbonite. Anyone will do. It's a good day!"

The Death Star Luna Vineyards Pinot Grigio Ever since he was mistaken for a moon, The Death Star has been obsessed with the heavenly bodies (including drinking this fine wine from Napa Valley). "Here I was...content to be a technological terror. But to be confused with a moon? Wow- what an honor. I was just speechless", Mr. Star remarked. Shortly after this interview, The Death Star was blown to bits due to a womp rat sized defect.

C-3PO Pink Champagne What else would C-3PO drink?

---

Jeffrey Dale Starr is a wine enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.