It's funny how our perception of names changes because of what we associate with the named thing. For example: if most people had never heard of Apple Computer, they would think that the name was terrible. "Apple? What's
that supposed to mean?" But since most Mac users are passionate about their technology of choice, they start to think that 'Apple' is the coolest and most obvious name for a computer company ever.
Which brings us to the names of bands. Maybe more than any other entity, our opinions of band names are shaped by what we think of the musical group in question. So I took a few steps back and tried to have an honest look at the names of some of my favorite bands. And it hurts to admit it, but some of my most beloved groups have terrible monikers.
The Good
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| Camera Obscura |
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A name that suits the band very well. It's classic (like 18th century classic), classy and memorable.
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| Galaxie 500 |
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I have to admit - I was always very jealous of this name. My friend Brian actually owned an old Galaxie 500, and I love the imagery that it conjures up: both a big old boat of a car, and a dreamy space-travel idea (zooming along in your rocket toward the mysterious 'Galaxy 500'...) Succinct, unforgettable, awesome name.
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| Joy Division |
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A perfect name for this band. On the surface it seems like a happy name, until you learn the etymology. Then you realize it's quite fitting for a singer who killed himself at 23.
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| Led Zeppelin |
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Like everything else the boys did, this name is perfect. Keith Moon of The Who came up with name while recording the instrumental "Beck's Bolero" with Page, John Paul Jones and Jeff Beck. The track came out well, and they tossed around the idea of forming a new band. Moon allegedly said the band would go over like a lead balloon. Page remembered the joke two years later when he created Led Zeppelin. The name is just perfect...the weird spelling, the mysterious meaning, and even the letters 'L' and 'Z' look cool together. Perfect.
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| Pixies |
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First off, it's not 'The Pixies', it's just 'Pixies'. That's already strange. And the fabled creatures are like the band themselves...are they cute and harmless, or scary and a little malevolent? Yes. And to quote Bender Bending Rodriguez, "the 'X' makes it sound cool".
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| The Clash |
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Just saying the name sounds angry and harsh. And it fit these young punks railing against the injustices they saw.
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| The Fall |
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This is another name I was always jealous of. It's brief and elegant, but very rich in meaning. Much like the lyrics of Mark E. Smith, what can seem simple on the surface can be incredibly complex.
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| The Innocence Mission |
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This name could have been used ironically by a scary band (see: The Sisters of Mercy.) Not in this case. Karen and Don Peris make the most beautiful, uplifting music ever recorded...and the name fits them like a glove.
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| The Smiths |
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I realize that a lot of people would stick this in the 'Bad Name' category. But when you consider the outlandishness of Morrissey and musical genius of Johnny Marr, naming this group "The Smiths" is hilarious. The plainest, more boring name in the world for the greatest musical group of the 80s (in fact, ever...if you ask me) is brilliant.
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| Wilco |
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The name 'Wilco' comes from the phonetic alphabet used in old radio communications. It conjures up the golden age of Americana and folk culture from the 1920's to 1940's...which suits Jeff Tweedy's band just right, I would say.
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The Bad
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| 10,000 Maniacs |
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When this band first came out, I recommended them to everyone I knew. And the first 20 minutes of the conversation was always explaining that the horrible name was no indicator of the beautiful music they made.
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| Echo and the Bunnymen |
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Terrible, terrible name. This is one of the greatest bands ever. "Ocean Rain" is an absolute masterpiece. "The Cutter" is one of the greatest alternative rock songs ever recorded. And every time I recommended them to a new listener, they giggled at the name. Not good.
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| Gene |
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I don't know what Martin Rossiter and the lads were thinking. Maybe they wanted a plain name like their idols The Smiths, maybe it was some kind of comment on DNA, I don't know. But I do know that people always looked confused when I told them about the group. "Is it a guy named 'Gene'? How is it spelled? Like blue jeans?" Oy. When you have to go through that rigmarole, it's the sure sign of a bad name. All that being said, they were a fantastic band.
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| Gilbert O'Sullivan |
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Need to be careful about giving your band (or yourself) a gag name like Gilbert O'Sullivan. Because you might go and create one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking pop songs ever ("Alone Again (Naturally)"), and then your ridiculous name just diminishes your brilliance.
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| Roxy Music |
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Bryan Ferry might be the smoothest guy in the history of music, and "Avalon" might be the most elegant alternative rock album ever recorded. So what's up with that lame name? Bleh.
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| Squeeze |
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I don't know if it's some kind of British self-deprecating humor or what, but like Gilbert O'Sullivan, Chris Difford seems like he's not comfortable playing it straight. One of the best songwriting duos there is, Difford and Tilbrook seem determined to throw goofiness into their mix...like naming their band Squeeze. Awful.
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| The Beach Boys |
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Sounds like some guys just had a casual garage band and neglected to name themselves. Then they unexpectedly got a gig and had to come with a name in 30 seconds. I have no idea what the true origins of the name were, but a musical master like Brian Wilson deserved better.
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| U2 |
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The fact that they overcame such a corny, horrible name shows just how talented these guys are.
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| XTC |
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Just like Chris Difford and Squeeze, Andy Partridge and Colin Moulding seem uncomfortable playing it straight. It's like some inner voice from their childhood is saying, "Don't act above your class!" It pains me to admit it, because XTC is hands-down one of my all-time favorite bands. "English Settlement", "Skylarking", "Mummur", "The Big Express"...on and on and on. Absolutely brilliant. And a terrible, terrible name that should be used by some second-rate hip-hop artist.
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| The Beatles |
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I know, I know...it sounds like sacrilege. And yes, I do think The Beatles are the greatest band ever. But that name is awful. Spelling it that way (like a drum beat...get it? -groan-). No matter; they overcame that lame name and it is now equated with excellence. A true testament to their earth-shattering genius.
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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a vodka enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.
