Great Bands With Good Names, Great Bands With Bad Names

It's funny how our perception of names changes because of what we associate with the named thing. For example: if most people had never heard of Apple Computer, they would think that the name was terrible. "Apple? What's that supposed to mean?" But since most Mac users are passionate about their technology of choice, they start to think that 'Apple' is the coolest and most obvious name for a computer company ever.

Which brings us to the names of bands. Maybe more than any other entity, our opinions of band names are shaped by what we think of the musical group in question. So I took a few steps back and tried to have an honest look at the names of some of my favorite bands. And it hurts to admit it, but some of my most beloved groups have terrible monikers.



The Good

Camera Obscura

A name that suits the band very well. It's classic (like 18th century classic), classy and memorable.

Galaxie 500

I have to admit - I was always very jealous of this name. My friend Brian actually owned an old Galaxie 500, and I love the imagery that it conjures up: both a big old boat of a car, and a dreamy space-travel idea (zooming along in your rocket toward the mysterious 'Galaxy 500'...) Succinct, unforgettable, awesome name.

Joy Division

A perfect name for this band. On the surface it seems like a happy name, until you learn the etymology. Then you realize it's quite fitting for a singer who killed himself at 23.

Led Zeppelin

Like everything else the boys did, this name is perfect. Keith Moon of The Who came up with name while recording the instrumental "Beck's Bolero" with Page, John Paul Jones and Jeff Beck. The track came out well, and they tossed around the idea of forming a new band. Moon allegedly said the band would go over like a lead balloon. Page remembered the joke two years later when he created Led Zeppelin. The name is just perfect...the weird spelling, the mysterious meaning, and even the letters 'L' and 'Z' look cool together. Perfect.

Pixies

First off, it's not 'The Pixies', it's just 'Pixies'. That's already strange. And the fabled creatures are like the band themselves...are they cute and harmless, or scary and a little malevolent? Yes. And to quote Bender Bending Rodriguez, "the 'X' makes it sound cool".

The Clash

Just saying the name sounds angry and harsh. And it fit these young punks railing against the injustices they saw.

The Fall

This is another name I was always jealous of. It's brief and elegant, but very rich in meaning. Much like the lyrics of Mark E. Smith, what can seem simple on the surface can be incredibly complex.

The Innocence Mission

This name could have been used ironically by a scary band (see: The Sisters of Mercy.) Not in this case. Karen and Don Peris make the most beautiful, uplifting music ever recorded...and the name fits them like a glove.

The Smiths

I realize that a lot of people would stick this in the 'Bad Name' category. But when you consider the outlandishness of Morrissey and musical genius of Johnny Marr, naming this group "The Smiths" is hilarious. The plainest, more boring name in the world for the greatest musical group of the 80s (in fact, ever...if you ask me) is brilliant.

Wilco

The name 'Wilco' comes from the phonetic alphabet used in old radio communications. It conjures up the golden age of Americana and folk culture from the 1920's to 1940's...which suits Jeff Tweedy's band just right, I would say.

The Bad

10,000 Maniacs

When this band first came out, I recommended them to everyone I knew. And the first 20 minutes of the conversation was always explaining that the horrible name was no indicator of the beautiful music they made.

Echo and the Bunnymen

Terrible, terrible name. This is one of the greatest bands ever. "Ocean Rain" is an absolute masterpiece. "The Cutter" is one of the greatest alternative rock songs ever recorded. And every time I recommended them to a new listener, they giggled at the name. Not good.

Gene

I don't know what Martin Rossiter and the lads were thinking. Maybe they wanted a plain name like their idols The Smiths, maybe it was some kind of comment on DNA, I don't know. But I do know that people always looked confused when I told them about the group. "Is it a guy named 'Gene'? How is it spelled? Like blue jeans?" Oy. When you have to go through that rigmarole, it's the sure sign of a bad name. All that being said, they were a fantastic band.

Gilbert O'Sullivan

Need to be careful about giving your band (or yourself) a gag name like Gilbert O'Sullivan. Because you might go and create one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking pop songs ever ("Alone Again (Naturally)"), and then your ridiculous name just diminishes your brilliance.

Roxy Music

Bryan Ferry might be the smoothest guy in the history of music, and "Avalon" might be the most elegant alternative rock album ever recorded. So what's up with that lame name? Bleh.

Squeeze

I don't know if it's some kind of British self-deprecating humor or what, but like Gilbert O'Sullivan, Chris Difford seems like he's not comfortable playing it straight. One of the best songwriting duos there is, Difford and Tilbrook seem determined to throw goofiness into their mix...like naming their band Squeeze. Awful.

The Beach Boys

Sounds like some guys just had a casual garage band and neglected to name themselves. Then they unexpectedly got a gig and had to come with a name in 30 seconds. I have no idea what the true origins of the name were, but a musical master like Brian Wilson deserved better.

U2

The fact that they overcame such a corny, horrible name shows just how talented these guys are.

XTC

Just like Chris Difford and Squeeze, Andy Partridge and Colin Moulding seem uncomfortable playing it straight. It's like some inner voice from their childhood is saying, "Don't act above your class!" It pains me to admit it, because XTC is hands-down one of my all-time favorite bands. "English Settlement", "Skylarking", "Mummur", "The Big Express"...on and on and on. Absolutely brilliant. And a terrible, terrible name that should be used by some second-rate hip-hop artist.

The Beatles

I know, I know...it sounds like sacrilege. And yes, I do think The Beatles are the greatest band ever. But that name is awful. Spelling it that way (like a drum beat...get it? -groan-). No matter; they overcame that lame name and it is now equated with excellence. A true testament to their earth-shattering genius.

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a vodka enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.

The 10 Most Powerful Rock Songs Ever Recorded

I know powerful is a subjective word. So let me explain: these are songs that give me goosebumps, give me energy, make me want to run at full speed - I think that sums it up.

Obviously, I view two of the bands on this list as the two most powerful recording artists of all time...thus the multiple mentions.

10. Stigmata Ministry I know this probably sounds pretty mild by some of today's insane standards, but when this song came out I thought it was one of the wildest things I'd ever heard. To this day it fires me up. This was from the same time period as the Nine Inch Nails debut and Tones On Tail's "OK, This Is The Pops"...just a golden era of crazed energy.

9. Lucretia My Reflection The Sisters of Mercy "This Corrosion" is the better-known song from this album, but I love the slow burn of "Lucretia". That bass and snare at the beginning are a song all by themselves, but when Andrew Eldritch starts his baritone rumble and the distorted guitar kicks in, I'm ready to lift some weights.

8. Achilles Last Stand Led Zeppelin "Presence" is probably Led Zeppelin's most unknown album, and frankly, it's kind of a mixed bag to me. But "Achilles Last Stand" is practically an album in itself. Jimmy Page constructs the music from a classical composer's 'variations on a theme' mentality, and the song contains those incredible changing time signatures that make Led Zeppelin music so ageless. Epic, epic song.

7. Sabotage Beastie Boys Hilarious video, awesome song, perfect structure. When all three Boys start yelling at the end of the middle break, the hair on my neck stands up. As Sir Stewart Wallace might say, "Well done, chaps...well done."

6. Tame Pixies Most of this album could be on this list, so I'll pick the wildest and most visceral song. "Tame" is the song that made me love Pixies. To this day, I can't say that I fully understand it, but whatever is going on in Black Francis' head is 100% sincere. fell on your face in those bad shoes...

5. Immigrant Song Led Zeppelin What a crazy, crazy work of art. Page's lunging guitar is like a runaway locomotive, Bonham sounds like he's playing his drums with baseball bats, Plant riffing "Bali Ha'i", and those Thor lyrics...could have been a mess, instead it's pure awesome.

4. The Light Before We Land The Delgados Not a lot of people know this band, but this song is worth checking out. It was used in the anime "Gunslinger Girl", but is worthy of a 70mm film masterpiece. Emma Pollock's solo stuff is pretty good too, but this song is in a class by itself. Imagine if Wagner were alive today writing indie rock.

3. Never Let Me Down Again Depeche Mode An indicator of how much I love this song: even after 25 years, if it comes on the radio I blast the volume. When those massive bass notes come in at the beginning, it's like the sun exploded. It reminds me a lot of The Cure's "Plainsong", but I give the edge to this one because Dave Gahan's singing is just as powerful as the music.

2. Planet of Sound Pixies The first time I heard this song, I didn't know what to make of it. I was at Hogwild Records in San Antonio with my friend Brian Nasseri and the owner played the newly-arrived single. It sounded like noise (and I was the biggest Pixies fan on earth.) But when it finally, finally sunk in...wow. That insane crescendo at the end where Black Francis' scream blends perfectly with Joey Santiago's guitar and it sounds like wrenches in a blender...and then....BAM! Silence. A fraction of a second, then "Alec Eiffel"....what an album.

1. Kashmir Led Zeppelin Not only the most powerful rock sound ever written, it's the greatest rock song ever recorded period. If you happen to see the documentary It Might Get Loud, make it a point to watch the extras. Jimmy Page explains the chord progressions of "Kashmir" and Jack White and The Edge are looking on as if watching Einstein explain how he came up with the Theory of Relativity. No rock song will ever touch this one, ever.

Well, that's my list.

Just missed: "Heart-Shaped Box", "We Will Rock You", "Hey Hey My My (Into The Black)"

Please feel free to share your thoughts!

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a beer enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.

The 10 Greatest Screamers in Rock History

OK, first off - I'm not including bands that do nothing but scream. For one thing, I don't know that much about them and for another I don't think it's that powerful to just scream all the time. Chocolate cake is awesome until it's the only thing you're allowed to eat...then it gets old really fast.

Also, I don't claim that these are the only great screamers. These are just the best of the stuff that's on my iPod.

10. Bon Scott AC/DC Scott typically sounded like a barking dog when he sang (which would probably get him on this list anyway), but from time to time he'd really let loose like the way he sings the word "explode" at the end of "T.N.T.".

9. Joe Strummer The Clash A great gravelly voice at all times, Joe hit his screaming peak at the end of "Total Control" when he's just ad-libbing ("this is Joe speaking..."). Wild and genuine.

8. Paul McCartney The Beatles It's hard to believe that the baby-faced singer of "Michelle" could also belt out the wailing in "Helter Skelter", "Twist and Shout", and "Maybe I'm Amazed"...but wow.

7. Al Jourgensen Ministry Stigmata. 'Nuff said.

6. John Lydon PIL "Anarchy in the U.K.", "God Save the Queen"...textbook examples of screaming. But my favorite from the former Johnny Rotten is still "Public Image" from the PIL debut. Relentless guitar, relentless energy.

5. Prince Some people might be surprised to see the funk master on this list, but it's hard to find a wilder, more guttural primal scream than the ending of "Let's Go Crazy" when he yells Take Me Away. And the mind-blowing intensity at the end of "The Beautiful Ones".

4. Robert Plant Led Zeppelin One of the original greats. Sometimes he just belted it out from the get-go ("The Song Remains The Same") or performed that wonderful contrast between smooth crooning and screaming within the same song ("What Is And What Should Never Be", "I'm Gonna Crawl").

3. Janis Joplin If the only song she ever recorded was "Piece of My Heart", she would still be #3 on this list.

2. Jim Morrison The Doors Up until 1987, Morrison would have topped this list without equal (more on that in a second.) But no other singer in the history of rock has been so naturally smooth and Sinatra-esque, and then 5 seconds later release a deafening scream. And you didn't get the sense that he was showing off...Jim was just a raging storm with a cool veneer.

1. Black Francis Pixies There are no words to describe what Black Francis recorded on those first 5 Pixies albums. Wild, animalistic, primal, insane. He's been mimicked a million times since, but nothing can match the raw energy of "Tame", "Debaser", "Planet of Sound", etc. Stills gives me chills after all these years.

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Jeffrey Dale Starr is a whiskey enthusiast, oil painter, and owner of mobile software company Purple Falcon.